I wanted to add a link for a great place to shop for love and romance items! A great gal named Ashley is a Slumber Party
Host, and has a website.

The website is clean and tasteful, and everything is shipped to you very discreetly! So go ahead, what are you waiting for,
go surprise your husband with something new for the two of you!

SLUMBER PARTIES BY ASHLEY!

So, I thought this blog could go on unmonitored for a while, leaving the recent comments up! WOW People! I don't know what to say, but I think Sweets said it perfectly! So I am just going to post her comment here.

I also want to add that I want to keep this blog up for those wanting to discuss and looking for help and ideas! We are not going to allow email swapping comments, they will be deleted! This is for YOUR SAFETY! There are tons of weirdo's out there, (trust me, I get creepy emails because of this blog) Don't open any doors you can't shut.


Sweet Animal's Comment

First, I would like to remind everyone that due to the anonymous nature of this blog, you have NO idea who is behind the comments. I know for a fact that people with less-then-noble intent read this blog and you have no idea if the person making a comment is an LDS woman wanting sex advice or a 60-year old man addicted to porn. DO NOT give out your personal Email to anonymous commentators-you open the door wide for others to try and get something out of you.

Secondly, this blog was not created as a place to swap home-made erotica with others. Creating videos for other couples to watch is porn. You don't know the other people-there is no emotional and spiritual connection with them, and you are just watching them to get turned on. It is the same as going to a porn site. This blog is for helping couples use sex to improve their marriage, but it's a lot more than just getting turned on.

Third, the reason I bring this up is that porn and erotica is something I have had a hard time letting go of in the past. I don't like to talk about it, but I only bring it up to plead with those thinking about the video swap to NOT do it. Yes, it's exciting, but it is absolutely destructive. Please don't invite this into your marriage, PLEASE. I don't say this out of self-righteousness, but out of genuine worry and concern because I know how damaging things like this are. Having hot sex is important, but it will never be the foundation of a lasting marriage. Please do not engage in this kind of thing. In our religion, sex is not a group sport, and I trust that our Heavenly Father knows what will make us happiest.

We welcome open discussion, but I have to draw the line at people seeking out others to engage in things that are damaging to relationships. If you are determined to do that, please go elsewhere as this is a blog where we support the teachings of the church. I mean no offense or judgment on those who have posted, I am just sincerely troubled and would like to prevent devastation down the road.

I have been deliberating this for a while now, and with a very heavy heart, I am going to put the blog on hold for a little while.

I have a very full plate right now as far as my personal life, I have also lost the help from Sweet Animal and Aphrodite, which are both amazing, wonderful and inspired women! Their personal lives also aren't allowing them time for the blog!

I have thought about letting someone else take over the blog, but have too much of a strong connection to it, it is my baby!
We tried so hard to make it a safe, clean place to discuss sex, I don't feel like I could trust it in someone else's hands!

I also feel like the blog has run it's course, somewhat, really when you look back at our topics, we have covered EVERYTHING! and lately we have had a hard time coming up with fun, fresh ideas!

We are going to leave the blog how it is right now, with the recent comments on the side bar, so those needing advice, or wanting to talk can continue to comment, and be found easily. Please let's not fight on the comments, if we continue to have bickering, arguments and judgements in the comments, I am going to disable new comments on the blog!

I have loved doing this, and hopefully helping some of you along the way! I want to thank all of you who have supported this blog, and taught us all so much! I also want to thank Aphrodite and Sweets, you guys are awesome, and both of you are great friends!

Keep loving your husbands, and enjoying your sex lives, it is worth all the effort!

Love you guys,

Vixen

I am going to try to catch up with life a little, and revisit doing this blog later this Autumn or Winter

Getting Caught!

I thought it would be fun to do a light hearted post!

I got this email a while ago, and thought the story was so funny! And wondered how many of us this has happened
to? I was also grateful for this little story, because we have french doors leading from an outside deck into our master bedroom, and I always lock our bedroom door, but don't think I have thought of locking the french doors! I could totally see my kids doing this exact same thing!

Have you ever been caught by your kids? or stranger? Or Mom?

We haven't ever been CAUGHT, but we have been very, very close! Maybe a child has walked in on us, but our timing is perfect, we will be done, or not started yet.

Here is a chance for you to share your story, and you must click on this link to read this story!

Weekend Challenge

given by Sassyminx








These weekend challenges are supposed to be fun and exciting. We are trying to spice up our sex lives. Not go into the great debate. So this week I am going to take things down a notch and have us all slow down! This is an easy challenge, but you have to put 100% effort into it. Sometimes sex, as Aphrodite explained is quick and effortless, not to mention emotionless. So lets start with the basics.

Step One, Kissing! I want you to kiss like you did during your make out sessions during your dating days. When your lips go numb or become raw, move on to...............

Step two, Start to touch his body and feel his muscles and be sensual as you learn your husbands body.

Step Three, Let him explore your body and touch your body and think and feel sexy thoughts while he is exploring.

Step Four, Start kissing with reckless abandon, (while still naked.) I have never gotten to this point thinking "hmm, ok I'm done goodnight!"

Step Five, Enjoy the small stuff. If oral is your thing, put some jr. mints in the freezer and while you go down on your husband, put one or two frozen mints in your mouth. This does get a little messy so you could also try jolly rancher chews, pop rocks, and menthol cough drops. This downplays the taste of his man juice, and adds a little zing to the moment! Bubble gum by the nightstand is a great trick! It is much easier to have middle of the night sex if you can stick a piece of gum in and start making out hard core!

StepSix, Regardless of what did or did not happen, lay naked together for as long as you feel comfortable. This brings such closeness and warmth when you can hold each other naked and fall asleep together, feeling safe and secure and loved! Have fun with it and remember there are really no rules, just suggestions and whatever feels right for you! Good luck!

Awaiting criticism,
Sassyminx

Change of thought........

If you want to change your sex drive and improve the intimacy in your marriage you need to start with one thing....

Have Sex......and learn to love it.  

Notice I did not say, have an orgasm.  For women (and this is not to say all women, I know there are some that do not fall into this category) orgasms are emotionally centered.  If you are not mentally into it, it will be very difficult to reach climax.  If you feel that you do not desire sex, that you do not desire your husband, having an orgasm is not the issue and should not be the focus.  So, putting orgasm aside, here are a few ideas to help you find that "desire"...

1.  Have Sex.  The more you have sex, the more you will want it.  The longer you wait (or that your husband waits to ask for it because he is trying to be sensitive to the fact that you don't want it), the less you will want it.  

One trap that couples fall into is doing it quickly to get it over with. Because the wife doesn't really want to and doesn't enjoy it, the husband will promise to be fast (and he will be if he has not had sex in a while), and the wife, wanting to be "there" for her husband, but knowing that she won't get into it, discourages him from touching and kissing her, and they proceed to intercourse.  Usually this is uncomfortable for the wife (even with lube), because her body is not ready for intercourse.  Our bodies prepare in ways other than lubrication....the vagina lengthens to allow room for the penis, the cervix tilts to make it more comfortable, and the increased blood flow actually creates pleasurable sensations in the nerves (rather than "irritated" or even ticklish feelings).  If sex is uncomfortable, there will be even less chance of "wanting" it the next time.  Over time, these negative thoughts of sex (even real feelings of pain and discomfort) will be the only thing the wife associates with "making love".  

2.  Don't rush through it....even if you don't think you will be able to "get into it".

Putting all thoughts about orgasm aside (that is not the goal....just enjoying it is the goal), tell your husband to move slow.  Start with kissing.  Don't rush through the touching phase....start at the top and move down slowly (and by top, I mean have your husband run his fingers through your hair as you kiss, put his hands on your face, your neck......)  It can take a long time for desire to "stir", especially if this has been a struggle for a while. 

3.  Think about love...not sex.

I am sure some will disagree with this, but remember that everyone is different and for some women this can make a big difference.  While you are kissing your husband (I would start even earlier....while you are sitting on the couch watching  TV, take his hand and hold it....) think about him, think about the things you love about the man you married.  (while some women find that books, movies, or other things will stir desire, I think it is more important to find what stirs desire specific to your husband...)

When I am struggling with desire for whatever reason....I don't tell my husband I am not in the mood and that we should wait for another day (because I know the only thing to get me out of my "funk" is to actually have sex), I let him kiss me...and I think about what a great Dad he.  I think about how lucky I am that I get to be a stay at home mom.  I think about the time we drove a couple hours to my parents house just so that he could give my Dad a blessing when he was sick......

As we progress so do my thoughts....I will let him touch him and I think about how much I love holding hands with him in the movie theatre...how much I love when he kisses me each morning.  Then I let myself think about how lucky I am that he desires me...I think about the way he is touching me, knowing how much he loves it, loves me, loves my body.....

When I think about how much I love my husband I can't help but want more...and before too long I do want more.  I want his hands all over me, I want him on top of me....and as we make love, I continue to think about how much I love him.  How wonderful it is that we can share this together, how grateful I am that I am the only one who can give him this.  There is no one else who can give him the intimacy and closeness, the physical release and pleasure that I can.  

I do not worry about my orgasm, I don't even let my thoughts turn that direction, but I enjoy every movement, every thrust, and the sex feels good.  As we hold each other after I feel closer to him, more in love with him, and my thoughts of sex are positive....and I can't wait to be this intimate with him again.

4.  Do it again....soon.

After a while, the negative thoughts about intimacy will be replaced with positive ones and you will associate sex with love, not a duty you have to get through.  It may take a while, but eventually the desire will build on it's own.  

On another note....if you are mad at your husband, if there are unresolved issues, hurt feelings, trusts that have been violated, this will be a long process (and some cases may need counseling).  I know that if I cannot feel these strong feeling of love for my husband, sex is not enjoyable for me.  Not all women feel this way, but for those of us who do, these feelings of security and love are essential.

 I also need to say that in my marriage, the number one thing that has kept our love and intimacy strong has been our trust and faith in each other and in the Lord.  We read our scriptures together, we pray together, and we attend the temple together every month.  I know this has helped keep our marriage, our love, and our sex life strong.  I saw a comment on the men's blog where a husband talks about this very thing and the difference it can make.   

I am just "not that into it"

I got a question from a reader, that we thought would be a great blog topic, What to do if you don't enjoy sex?

"I wanted to know more on women who don't enjoy sex and what they have done to overcome this. I have tried to talk with friends but all I have been told is to "give it time" or "I still hate it" or "its a necessary evil" HELP please!!"


I don't have much advice here, so I would love to open up the comments to hear what others have to say about this!